Cubicle survival kit ideas

Someone recently found this site by searching for “cubicle survival kit ideas“. That strikes me as a good idea for a topic, so here are some items that I’d like to see in a cubicle survival kit:

  • Chocolate and salty snacks.
  • Strange Japanese snacks.
  • A coffee mug without the corporate logo or cute little cartoons.
  • A coffee dispenser.
  • Penguin-shaped juggling balls.
  • A comfey cardigan sweater and a pair of sneakers. Hey, Mister Rogers was onto something there.
  • A chair that ISN’T so uncomfortable that it crushes your tailbone and puts your back into spasms.
  • An endless supply of frozen mini-pizzas, pasta dishes, and instant noodles.
  • Rare and inpiring works of art to decorate the cubicle. No new-age photos with corporate-speak messages under them like “Teamwork” or “Imagination” or “Leadership”. I’d rather look at paintings of yak vomit.
  • Cold beer. For Fridays after 5:30PM only, of course. And lunctimes.
  • A Lay-Z-Boy rocker-recliner in green vinyl. A drink-holder is a must.
  • An X-Box and widescreen TV.
  • A masseuse.
  • A small teleportation device for slipping out to the movie theatre without being noticed.
  • An excessively polite, gold-tone robot who will do your work when you use the teleportation device. Must be fluent in the language of load-lifters and ‘vaporators. * 

I expect HR to pay attention to the suggestions.

* I apologize for that gratuitous allusion to Star Wars. It won’t happen again.