Christmas leftover mélange recipe

A blender, often used once right after Christmas, and thereafter used to fill space in the back of the bottom cupboard
A blender, often used once right after Christmas, and thereafter used to fill space in the back of the bottom cupboard

This recipe is not only an excellent way to finish up the endless Christmas leftovers, but also great for trying out the blender you unwrapped two days ago.

  1. Add some leftovers to the blender jar: cold, slimy turkey meat, dried-up mashed potatoes, and veggies with the good ones picked out (leaving mainly Brussels sprouts).
  2. If you have any gravy left, add that, but realistically all you’ll have is a gallon of cranberry sauce. Add that with a deep sigh of resignation.
  3. Carefully measure 1 cup of rum-and-eggnog, gulp it down, then put the rest into the blender.
  4. If you have any fruit cake or short bread you can optionally add them or you could keep them until next year. They’ll be completely inedible by then, but nobody will notice, since they’re never actually eaten.
  5. Purée until smooth. If you need more liquid, add the tears of young children who didn’t get exactly what they wanted for Christmas.
  6. Decant the mixture into a large, disposable cup, and throw it vigorously at your neighbour’s garish lights-and-sounds Christmas lawn display — it’s best served at Santa’s head, but Rudolf or Frosty are reasonable substitutes.

After the overwhelming merriment of the holiday season, a large mug of this mélange of Christmas cheer can bring relaxation and smug satisfaction as you peer between the curtains at your confused neighbours.