Having just consumed a foot-long “Steak ‘n’ Cheese” sub with everything on it in less than fifteen minutes, I feel I am no longer in a moral position to criticize anyone or anything. I’ll just hide my bloated guts in my cubicle until I can waddle home at the end of the day.
Trained humour professional
Dave Barry is often referred to as a humourist. I’ve wondered about this designation. How exactly does one qualify to become a humourist?
Is there some kind of professional training, like a degree program in practical humourology? Are you permitted to practice humour without proper education and training? Is there a professional society of humourism?
I can imagine a humourology professor saying, “After four years as an undergraduate, I earned my Bachelor of Humourous Arts. I majored in double-entendre and gaffes, but I also had a particular interest in Spoonerisms. When I graduated, I stayed on to get my PhD. They said I couldn’t do it, but when they laughed openly at me, that’s when I knew I had a gift.”
For those who don’t want to commit to years of study, there’s a six-month diploma program, but you’re only allowed to call yourself a humour technician.
Out of order
Every day, I park at the local community centre. It’s a great deal — only two dollars to park all day. Most other places charge at least six.
This morning, however, it was free. Someone had quite brutally ripped the insides from the ticket machine, leaving only a twisted metal shell. And there was a helpful little note taped to it that read, “OUT OF ORDER”.
It’s a good thing that note was there.
O Blogger, where art thou?
Evan wasn’t kidding when he said that things won’t change at Blogger now that Google bought it. Blogger’s down. Again.
Hockey glutton sandwich
Well it looks like McDonald’s has brought back their Hockey Hero Sandwich:
three ground beef patties
onions, lettuce, tomato
“Cheese Slices” (processed cheese-like product)
“Pepper Jack Cheese” (more processed cheese-like product)
“Mayonnaise-style Sauce”
all on a “Homestyle Bun”
According to their website, this behemoth burger weighs in at 283 grams and contains 40 grams of fat and 68 milligrams of cholesterol… if you trust those figures. That’s almost two-thirds of a pound of… foodlike matter.
Then add to that the Supersize fries: 178 grams containing 27 grams of fat and 12 milligrams of cholesterol.
Hockey hero? What self-respecting athelete would come within ten feet of this grease-saturated monstrosity? A sumo hero, maybe.