Well, they say that every man has his vice. Mine… er, one of mine… is a weakness for geeky things.
On the weekend, I went to Toys ‘R’ Us to see if I could dig up something for my niece’s birthday. She’s an artistic type, so I usually like to pick up some interesting implements for drawing, painting, and general mayhem that produces lasting stains on flat surfaces. This time, however, I was completely at a loss.
I have to admit, my expertise in modern toy stores extends only as far as the LEGO shelf, although I probably shouldn’t admit to that. What do kids like these days? Back in my day, X number of decades ago, I would have flipped for a USS Flagg GI Joe aircraft carrier. I think my parents bought me the Manta GI Joe windsurfer instead. They just didn’t get it.
Or maybe they did, and they were trying to bring me around from the darkside of warmongering. It’s always so difficult to instill positive values in a child.
When I was a child, I instinctively knew the layout of the standard toy store. On one side, there were the cool things: the action figures and accessories, the guns and gadgets, and various sporting goods. On the other side: the girl stuff. If you accidentally crossed the dividing line between them, you would suddenly find yourself in a world where everything has big, cute eyes and the predominant colour is pink. This is quickly followed by a hasty retreat to the safety of the mucous-like rubber toys in aisle two.
On the weekend, my objective was deep in pink territory. Girl stuff. Nieces like things like little puppy play sets and Barbies. Right? I have to admit, I have no idea.
What did she play with? I must have seen her playing with something at some point. I’d try to picture it. OK. And then she’d pick up… what? What the hell is she picking up? A doll? No. A play jewelry set? No. A plastic iguana? No!
What then?
As I was puzzling it over, I found myself in the board games section. I was safe in the neutral territory between the boy and girl factions. This is mainly because kids never go into this section. The board games section is strictly for parents and grandparents who want to teach good, healthy values like how to crush your friends in the pursuit of money. The board games section is also for confused, but well-meaning, uncles who panic at Christmas time and send his brother’s kids the Canadian edition of Trivial Pursuits Junior. I bet the plastic wrap is still on that one.
There in front of me, between the Game of Life and NHL Monopoly, was the box from my childhood with the four big, red letters on it: RISK. Suddenly I was swept back into the fields of memory. My brothers and I played endless games of RISK to the point where the box fell to pieces and the seven boxes of playing pieces (and dice) were cracked and broken.
RISK! I remembered the time I figured out that Siam was the key to Asia. And that you should generally avoid Europe. My dad took it a step further by computing the odds in detail and writing his calculations out on thirty sheets of graph paper. He’d hoped to help us play better, but no one could understand his math, and the thirty sheets of calculations sat unread at the bottom of the game box.
I had to buy this game. As I reached for it, the game on the shelf below it caught my eye: Lord of the Rings RISK. Ooooh. The geek in me was intrigued. A map of Middle Earth, eh? Gameplay cards? And… playing pieces in the shape of orcs, trolls, and black riders? Sold.
I walked out of Toys ‘R’ Us a satisfied customer. Oh, and I picked up some Crayola stuff for the niece too.
