Honestly, I didn’t think this through completely when I started posting the old “Bad Poetry” entries. Whatever readership that I had previously has now been driven away — if not completely incapacitated by vile verse and dreadful doggerel.
This is, of course, the fifth part of my oh-my-god-why-are-they-so-many-parts series exploring real examples of poetry written by Second Lifers. In late 2003 and early 2004, I held a series of Bad Poetry Contests, in which avatars were given only fifteen minutes and 8 sort-of-random words in which to create the most painful poetry imaginable. All of these poems were improvised. All of these poems were better off never having been written in the first place.
Today’s entries originate from the evening of November 18, 2003. The words: dinosaur, extinguish, hiccup, mime, poultry, uvula, vaccinate, and wobble. I’ll start with my own contribution to this festival of nausea.
Cubey Terra
O large and fearsome dinosaur of love,
Do not throw water on the flames of my heart,
For water can only extinguish my hiccups,
And without you I would be forever be,
Like a mime,trapped in an invisible box,
Yearning for your poultry-like skin.
For my love is a disease,
And your wobbly uvula is the vaccination.
Fallingwater Cellardoor
UVULA’S LAMENT
Uvula! He winkled to me
as he extinguished the mime that was
under the fruit punch bowl and
I thankled him for that.
Oh my Uvula, he hiccuped and sprinkled
He said, I vaccilate and vaccinate
and then i vaccipate for good measure
Sweet uvula, i can’t choose between
you and the glimmering dinosaur
Or the simmering poultry that squawks so sweetly
So I quimpled him. Hard.
Julian Fate
Whoosh! The asteroid hung in the mouth of the night like God’s uvula
Splorp! The stone of doom plunged into the primordial mud
Gack! The dinosaurs staggered like Mardi Gras drunks as their lives were extinguished
Blorg! The fateful asteroid sunk in the muck
Thus ends the world, not with a bang but with a hiccup
But life will find a way and the earth wobbles on
Until there evolved a higher form of life: MAN!
Who promptly devolved and produced: MIMES!
Enraged the slime beings of a distant star
Infected earth’s poultry and soon mankind
Was felled by virulent disease no hand could vaccinate
And thus a second ending: murder most fowl
Anaraxis Romulus
Lime was a mime
She drank too much wine
She threw up some ____ past her uvula
It gave her bubonic and ebolaShe saw some poultry, or was it a dinosaur
It wasn’t an eyesore
It hiccuped and out came something great
She knew she could use it vaccinateAs she tries to extinguish the burn
She knows that very soon it will be her turn
She wobbles to the clinic to see if she’s fine
And they tell her of course… you are Lime the Mime.
Charlie Bombay
anxious to announce his recent vaccination
simon wobbled in a fidgeting fashion.as a dinosuar with power of plenty
simon could not even contain his hiccupping frenzy.determined to extinguish his crazy erruptions
simon decided miming was the only option.relaxing his uvula and strict diet of poultry
simon was able to conquer with victory.
You did it! You survived another session. For this accomplishment I’d pin a medal on your chest, but it’s covered in your breakfast.