Category: life

Topics concerning that thing known as ‘real life’ and not virtual worlds.

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If you’re here looking for ‘chunkylover53@aol.com’…

Over the last few days, my web site traffic has just about tripled. Why? Two reasons.

  • First, I mentioned Premier Campbell’s arrest in Maui. Google now considers me a leading authority on the subject, and sends people here looking for Campbell mug shot t-shirts.
  • Second, I foolishly mentioned that Homer Simpson’s e-mail address was “chunkylover53@aol.com”. I’ve had dozens of request for that alone. Doh!! If you’re reading this to find out what the scoop is on Homer’s e-mail, then according to Darren, who e-mailed me today, there’s an autoreply set up on that account to send back “Hello Internet Nerd”. My mesage just bounced, to my great disappointment. I would have like to get in touch with Homer, but I’m sure he’s a busy guy now that his e-mail’s public knowledge.

So if you arrived here looking for Gordon or Homer, you’re barking up the wrong tree. But feel free to browse around the site.

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Rockpoint PD, tonight at 10:30

Once again, don’t forget to watch Rockpoint PD tonight at 10:30 on the Comedy Network. That is, if you get the Comedy Network, watch Rockpoint PD. Otherwise, um… watch something else.

And if you don’t have a TV, you could do something else. Read a book, for example. Or go for a walk. Talk to a loved one. Or something. For crying out loud, what am I, your social planner?! Figure it out on your own!

What was that? I’m a hypocrite for telling you to watch a show when I have no TV myself? I can’t believe you would suggest such a thing! Trust me, if I had a TV, I would watch nothing but Rockpoint PD every night… if it were on every night. Oh, and the Daily Show, which is on right after Rockpoint PD. That’s good for a laugh. And maybe Buffy and Enterprise too. But that’s all, because if you watch too much TV, you’ll turn into a nut who gets into arguments with himself. You will! It’s true!

What? You watch VIP? Oh for—… I don’t even know where to start with that. You obviously have absolutely no taste in TV at all. That’s it. I’m not talking to you anymore.

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A lesson in the etiquette of serfdom

I couldn’t get anywhere near the bank. I just couldn’t do it. Since CIBC began closing its branches, the remaining ones seem to be in places without any convenient parking. This is a serious problem if you want to make a credit card payment.

For fifteen minutes this morning, I circled block after block trying to find a parking spot. Around and around I went shouting curses at parked cars, but there was nothing for me but no-stopping signs, taxi-only stops (full of taxis), and bus stops full of people experiencing deja vu as I circled around for the millionth time.

Then I understood my mistake. You can’t drive to the bank to make a payment. They prefer you to approach from a distance on your hands and knees.

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2002 Worst Manual Contest

Technical Standards, Inc. has posted the results of the 2002 Worst Manual Contest. My favourite is the Sliding Bicycle instruction sheet, in which it states, “Discharge the product by the way of the opposite installation sequence” and “Be careful not to let your fingers got squeezed, when installation and discharge”.

Thankfully, my manuals didn’t show up in the list of winners this year.