Posted on

If you’re here looking for ‘chunkylover53@aol.com’…

Over the last few days, my web site traffic has just about tripled. Why? Two reasons.

  • First, I mentioned Premier Campbell’s arrest in Maui. Google now considers me a leading authority on the subject, and sends people here looking for Campbell mug shot t-shirts.
  • Second, I foolishly mentioned that Homer Simpson’s e-mail address was “chunkylover53@aol.com”. I’ve had dozens of request for that alone. Doh!! If you’re reading this to find out what the scoop is on Homer’s e-mail, then according to Darren, who e-mailed me today, there’s an autoreply set up on that account to send back “Hello Internet Nerd”. My mesage just bounced, to my great disappointment. I would have like to get in touch with Homer, but I’m sure he’s a busy guy now that his e-mail’s public knowledge.

So if you arrived here looking for Gordon or Homer, you’re barking up the wrong tree. But feel free to browse around the site.

Posted on

Rockpoint PD, tonight at 10:30

Once again, don’t forget to watch Rockpoint PD tonight at 10:30 on the Comedy Network. That is, if you get the Comedy Network, watch Rockpoint PD. Otherwise, um… watch something else.

And if you don’t have a TV, you could do something else. Read a book, for example. Or go for a walk. Talk to a loved one. Or something. For crying out loud, what am I, your social planner?! Figure it out on your own!

What was that? I’m a hypocrite for telling you to watch a show when I have no TV myself? I can’t believe you would suggest such a thing! Trust me, if I had a TV, I would watch nothing but Rockpoint PD every night… if it were on every night. Oh, and the Daily Show, which is on right after Rockpoint PD. That’s good for a laugh. And maybe Buffy and Enterprise too. But that’s all, because if you watch too much TV, you’ll turn into a nut who gets into arguments with himself. You will! It’s true!

What? You watch VIP? Oh for—… I don’t even know where to start with that. You obviously have absolutely no taste in TV at all. That’s it. I’m not talking to you anymore.

Posted on

Evil has a shiny head

I made the sad mistake of seeing Star Trek: Nemesis yesterday afternoon. I really don’t know why I did it — I knew quite well that it would be a huge disappointment. I suppose it’s probably force of habit. I’ve seen every Star Trek movie in a theatre, even Star Trek V, in which Kirk defeats a god in a battle of logic. When a friend and I saw STV, it was so completely unpopular that the normally busy theatre was virtually empty. We felt like Siskel and Ebert, getting a private screening. Needless to say, we gave it two thumbs down.

When they moved the Star Trek movie “franchise” (bloody money-grubbing Hollywood producers) to the TNG cast, I tolerated Star Trek: Generations because it was a novelty, and because we got to see 1.) the complete destruction of the Enterprise (again), and 2.) a bridge landing on Captain Kirk (“It was… fun. Oh my—”). I even enjoyed several scenes in the Borg movie. And for my loyalty, they punished me with Insurrection, whose title is fuel for all kinds of naughty jokes.

As an aside, couldn’t they find the budget for a set that’s at least somewhat believable? The rustic little town looked like cardboard and a lot of freshly laid turf.

Anyway, yesterday I gave in and saw Nemesis. I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone (it probably spoils itself, so it won’t matter), but it looks to me like they based the movie on a minor plot point from Austin Powers. Picard has his own evil mini-me. I’m afraid I just couldn’t get beyond that. And then they filled the movie with so many stupid inconsistencies with the Star Trek series and events that entirely ignore the laws of physics that it just didn’t hold together at all.

So that’s it. I’ve had it with this Star Trek thing. I renounce my trekoholism, and will now lead a healthy, normal life.

Posted on

chunkylover53@aol.com

Okay, on tonight’s Simpson’s, Homer very clearly said that his e-mail address was chunkylover53@aol.com. So I tried to drop him a note, just to say hello… and the message bounced!

I’m never going to believe anything Homer says again.

Posted on

Rockpoint PD, tonight

Don’t forget to watch Rockpoint PD tonight on the Comedy Network at 10:30.

From comedynetwork.ca:

Misfiring tazer guns, fork- wielding newlyweds, rampaging raccoons and pugilistic mascots are just some of the “high-pressure” situations Rockpoint’s “finest” are confronted with daily. Led by the ambitious and impatient, Sergeant Grace Harris (Catherine Lough Haggquist), this motley crew of peace officers muddle through their shifts bored by paperwork and stymied by procedure. Constables Mike Edwards (Randy Schooley) and Burt Cooper (D. Neil Mark) rely on “gut instincts” and “hunches” — a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Meanwhile, rookie Constable Rita Tait (Jennifer McLean) tries the patience of her experienced partner, Constable Sam Kimizu (Simon Hayama). Supervising the squad is the morally bankrupt and politically out-to-lunch Inspector (Jon Raitt).