Category: entertainment

According to the TV listings, Rockpoint PD is on at 10:30 on the Comedy Network. How about that? In tonight’s episode, Hey Mister Taxi Driver, “Kimizu (Simon Hayama) and Tait (Jennifer MacLean) enlist the help of a taxi driver when their squad car is stolen”. Sounds sufficiently wacky. I think I’ll watch it.

It’s the dilemma of a million geeks: Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine or Jolene Blalock as T’Pol?

Both appear in a Star Trek series. Both wear sexy, space-age jumpsuits. Both play characters who are highly logical, yet have a softer side. Both have names that start with the letter J.

What’s a poor geek to do?

Whoo hoo! Homer finally answered my e-mail. He says:

Are you sending me spam?

Mmm… spam…

— Homer Simpson

I tried to get you out of my life, but you came back again. How long have I been without you? Fifty-four days? Yes. Fifty-four days.

Yesterday you came back of your own accord, expecting to resume our relationship where we left off. But no. It’s all changed now, hasn’t it? How can I ever look at you in the same way? How can I find the same comfort in your gentle glow and melodic voice? I’ve changed too. I learned to live without you, because I had to.

And yet there you are again, waiting oh-so-quietly in your familiar spot in the corner of my livingroom. I know you. You want me to pick up the remote. You want me to turn you on.

I know, I know, I used to watch you for hours. But I got over it. I don’t need Buffy. I don’t need Enterprise. I don’t need the dozens of pointless sitcoms that flicker across your face. Now I’ll watch those things only if I choose to do so. You have no more sway over me. If you want to sit there, fine. But know this: I’m beyond you.

Are you out of you freakin’ minds? What’s this I hear about The Simpsons being extended until 2005? The show is a tired, lifeless husk that you should put to rest already. The world doesn’t need 360 episodes of The Simpsons. People already say “Doh” and “Mmm, doughnuts” far too much.

But no, you can’t let it go, can you? You money-grubbing bastards have to squeeze a few more dollars out of the show. Just sell a few more books, t-shirts, stuffed dolls, and miscellaneous garbage with the Simpsons family printed on it. If you’re really serious about the Simpsons memorabilia, you could go the route of Hello Kitty, and get into the adult toy market. Marge’s hair does look a little suggestive, if you know what I mean.

And hey, why not arrange an appearance by Dubya? That’ll boost the ratings. He’s the only serving US president who hasn’t appeared on the show (and besides… I hear that he can be paid in bananas).

Please don’t misunderstand, I am a Simpsons fan. I used to watch The Simpsons avidly — more often than I used to watch Star Trek, if only for the fact that The Simpsons shows three or four times a day on several different channels. Now I’d rather chew my leg off while plummeting from a great height into a pit full of rabid lemurs than have to see Homer become buddies with another Hollywood celeb. I’m serious. I’m making arrangements for the lemurs at this moment.

Sincerely,

Cubicle Dweller