IN A WORLD… where meat meets dessert in a choctacular pigsplosion of flavour, two Second Life oldbies set out to do what few have ever accomplished before. Bacon fused with chocolate to produce the ultimate sweet and savoury creation.
The experiment: BACON BROWNIES.
Let me offer a warning here. The potential for this recipe to go very wrong is great, and it could very well cause serious injury, heart attack, liver damage, diabetes, swine flu, and tongue depression. We are trained professional bacon experts. Do not attempt this recipe at home.
Our experiment began in a highly secure, top-secret location in my kitchen. Joining me in the laboratory was Dr. Catherine Omega, Bacon Foodstuffs Assembly Engineer (Ph.D. in baconology and certificate in bacononomy). We began by assembling our materials.
Ingredients:
- 5oz semisweet chocolate
- 4 eggs
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 cup flour
- 1 crapload of bacon
PHASE 1: Batter Fabrication
Naturally, the first step is to make bacon, for which one must slaughter the pig, butcher it, cure the bacon, then fry it until crispy. Unfortunately, determining the correct order of these operations took us several attempts. As it turns out the first step should never be curing the pig because one develops an emotional, doctor-patient bond with the animal that makes it impossible to see it as a foodstuff. Fortunately this stumbling block was removed at a suggestion from Cat to maybe make the pig dead first, and then the other steps would follow logically. “Well aren’t you clever,” I said and was not sarcastic at all.
From the pan to the plate in several rounds, eventually we had a small pile of crispy meat, which I proceeded to chop as Cat observed to make sure that I cut off fewer than the maximum alottment of digits. Safety first!
Next we each surfed the web on our iPhone/iPod with one hand, while we added sugar to the salted, beaten eggs with the other. I’m not sure who took the photo then.
Cat added melted chocolate and I added the thickening agent, flour.
My hand indicates the location of the batter:
And thus, we have basic fudge brownie batter. The next step…
PHASE 2: The Pigification
Just what is PIGIFICATION, you ask? Well, in scientific terms, it is the application of… well, how shall I put it in terms simple enough for the layman to understand? It’s this:
Do that a few times over and a brownie batter is truly pigified to saturation. Then, upon depositing the pigified batter into a metal pan, we applied an additional layer of bacon bits to the top along with some chocolate chips.
When you see this next photo, please understand that Dr. Omega is an experienced professional baconologist, and as such may at some times forego the safety equipment that one should normally wear when preparing bacon foodstuffs in the lab. Perhaps it’s bravado, but this photo shows Cat depositing the brownies into the oven without heat-resistant mitts, face shield, or asbestos suit. Reckless indeed, but her expertise kept her safe from harm. Do not attempt this at home, as I’ve said before.
Baking time: 35 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
Not to be outdone by Cat’s brave dismissal of her safety equipment, I removed the finished brownies from the oven without the use of the asbestos fire suit. Not in this photo is the full-face heat shield.
And after the brownies rested to firm up a little bit, we embarked on the final stage of this experiment. The taste test.
PHASE 3: Proof Pigitive
Cat, once again proved her bravery by taking the first bite of this swine confection:
“How is it?” I asked, afraid to try it for myself.
“Umm. It tastes like bacon.”
Indeed, her observation was astute. It did taste like bacon. A lot.
And so ends this bacon experiment. Remember: Do not attempt these bacon-related activities at home.
Is this the same Dr Omega who made the wonderful shields that saved my arse from many an orbiting when I was a noob being griefed in Murray back in ’07? If so, I bow in thanks! (if not, I’ll wave a big HI instead).