Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

This week I took a short breather from Second Life while my beta testers put TerraVend through its paces. Immediately I had this feeling like I had emerged from the Matrix. For the months I spent immersed in the metaverse, I had neglected the meat-verse. I turned from my computer and saw the truth of my existence: I had dirty floors. It was horrible. I shudder to think of it even now.

So naturally, being the geek I am, I threw technology at the problem. Enter my new worker robot: Roomba from iRobot. No, I’m not satisfied with just the vacuum cleaner and broom. I have to get a robot to do it for me.

The idea of having a household robot is straight out of science fiction. Didn’t we all expect that by the twenty first century we would all have hovercars and household robotic servants? We don’t have actual robot servants yet (or the hovercars), but I think the Roomba is a step in the right direction.

The compactness of the Roomba is impressive. It’s a small, disc-shaped vacuum cleaner about 35cm across and about 10cm high. It has a large bumper on the front and an infrared sensor mounted on top. Underneath it has light and sound sensors, as well as the brushes for cleaning.

After charging it up, I let it loose in my home. It drives in almost random patterns across the floor and under furniture, bumping into and avoiding obstacles. By determing the size and shape of the room, it adjusts how long it needs to clean, and — this is the coolest part — when it’s done, it drives itself onto to its charger and turns itself off.

For a little thing, it cleans surprisingly well. It takes, I’m guessing, about 5 times as long as a human to accomplish the same task (about 30 minutes for my living room), but it has the advantage of being completely autonomous. I can push the Clean button on the way out the door, and when I come back, the floors are clean.

So what kind of impact does a household cleaning robot have on my life? Already, I can see my habits changing. First of all, I’ve never taken so much interest in my floors, but I think the novelty of it will fade in time. Second, I don’t try quite so hard to avoid making messes, which is a terrible, slovenly habit to develop. If there’s dirt on the carpet from my potted tree, why bother cleaning it up when the robot can get it? Toast crumbs on the table? Sweep them onto the floor for the robot. Toenails? OK, well that’s just gross and I won’t go there, but I can appreciate the apathy that sets in when one relies on robotic help. If I had a robot to fetch food and beverages from the kitchen, I’d never leave the couch.

Imagine a future, then, where everyone has a household robot that cooks, cleans, and brings food. We would all grow corpulent and lazy, unwilling to think or act for ourselves. And I for one welcome that future, if it means we get cool robots. Corpulence here I come!

Until I get an actual robotic servant, I’ll have to make do with this bumbling little vacuum cleaner robot. With a little duct-tape and a tray, I bet I could make it bring me drinks.