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New! New! New! ZOMG NEW!

Excited yet? No? I was sure that headline would work. Here’s the part of my blog where I tell everyone about what’s new and upcoming. That used to be a regular part of the blog — once every few weeks I’d post about my latest aircraft or gadget.

Over the last couple of months, however, I’ve been less than productive. If I were to blame something, I suppose I’d blame a combination of my job (I’ll talk about that another day, I guess) and a top secret project in the works.

The top secret project is fabulous, really. I can’t tell you what it is yet, but there’s nothing like it in SL yet. So you’ll have to take my word for it that it’s truly nifty. It also suffers from feature bloat. As Reitsuki and I collaborated on its design, we kept adding to our wish list of cool features, and before too long, it became so complex that — to be totally honest — I don’t know how I’m going to finish it. But finish it, I will. Eventually.

For now it’s on hold so that I can finish up a couple of other ideas. Like the one just released last week — the Terra Wind Rider hot air balloon.

In SL, each region has its own ever-changing simulated wind. It blows in eddies, currents, breezes, and gales. The Wind Rider is designed to drift with that wind, just like a real hot air balloon. You control the burner and air vents to adjust your altitude, and the wind takes you were it will. You can, if you want, override the wind and set your own course.

So that one’s finished. You can find it at my shop or on the web shops, SL Exchange and SL Boutique.

Next up, I’m working on the next generation sport parachute. It should have better animation and effects, as well as some surprise new features. I also plan to create a trimmed-down, less expensive version of it that’s more affordable to new residents. So keep your eye on the Skydiving Center in Abbotts for that one.

After that? Well, maybe I’ll return to work on the top secret project. Or maybe I’ll think of something else. Like an aardvark jet. Or a pancake jet pack. Or something.

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Unstick your clogged internet tubes

Here’s a Second Life trick that shouldn’t work, but it does. If a sim loads extremely slowly for you after you teleport, open Preferences (CTRL P), go to Network, and kind of jiggle the Maximum Bandwidth slider.

The result is that it seems to unstick everything. Things load much faster afterwards. It’s as if all those prims and textures were clogging up the internet tubes and jiggling that handle kind of loosens them up enough to make them flow again. (I know that’s not actually what’s happening, but it’s an amusing image.)

I’d guess that this is a bug. Two bugs maybe. First, options in Preferences seem to apply themselves as soon as you click them, instead of waiting for OK or Apply. Second, things should load at top speed anyway, without the need to monkey with bandwidth.

Give it a try. It really works!

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I’m not ignoring you!

Logging into Second Life today, I looked at my notecard folder for the first time in months. I was surprised to find a pile of notecarded messages from other SLers. I suppose they dropped a note on my profile while I was offline and expected me to see it when I logged in.

There was a whole pile of them — personal notes, special requests from customers, invitations, general questions about Abbotts — dating back to July.

I don’t understand why someone would try to use a Notecard as a message. If you have something important to say to someone who’s offline, do not send a notecard. The recipient is not notified, and the note is silently saved to the Notecards folder. It’s kind of like the top-secret government warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark — things sent there are never seen again.

If you want to send me a message, please use IM, especially if I’m offline. If you want to send a long message, email me at cubeyterra@cavers.ca. If you absolutely MUST send a notecard, let me know in IM that you sent it. If I don’t see it, I certainly can’t respond to it.

As an aside, another minor gripe I have is people who send me an offline IM saying “HELLO???”, as if I’ve already offended them by not being there. If you have something to say, just say it. My IMs go to email, which I check daily.

Now I wonder how many of these senders I mortally offended that I apparently ignored them.

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Renovations on the way!

Keep your eye on Abbotts Aerodrome. Over the coming weeks, Jillian Callhan and her crack team of builders — Mary Edison and Memir Quinn — will move in with the wrecking ball and take it all down to the dirt. Then, out of the wreckage, something new will emerge. Something bigger and even more airporty than ever before. I don’t want to give away the surprise, but expect a radical change in style.

Drop by and watch the creative process in action. We’ll try to keep everything running throughout the renovations, including skydiving, free flights, and aircraft sales.

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Vile verse from fetid oldbies

Before I started my vehicle business, before I built the airports, I worked for my L$ as an event host. I built Theatre Terra in the shadow of Delerium Castle in Natoma, where I’d stage weekly “bad poetry” contests. I gave participants eight words and fifteen minutes to write the absolute worst poem they could manage that included all eight words. Hanging over the stage was a portrait of Prostetic Vogon Jeltz to inspire us.

Among the dozens of residents who dropped by to pen their putrid poesy were names that are well-known three years later. And so I present to you, vile verse from fetid oldbies.

* * * * *
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING LINES MAY INDUCE NAUSEA AND VOMITING
* * * * *

UVULA’S LAMENT
by Fallingwater Cellardoor

Uvula! He winkled to me
as he extinguished the mime that was
under the fruit punch bowl and
I thankled him for that.
Oh my Uvula, he hiccuped and sprinkled
He said, I vaccilate and vaccinate
and then i vaccipate for good measure
Sweet uvula, i can’t choose between
you and the glimmering dinosaur
Or the simmering poultry that squawks so sweetly
So I quimpled him.Hard.

Black
by Max DeGroot

Black
The backbone of blackness
A black altar to the idol of the Black God
As black honey drips
Down his black complexion

The voluptuous black volcano
Erupting its black ketcup
As the black rabbit laughs in durision

Black
And nothing more
All is meaningless

Untitled
by Lordfly Digeridoo

Bored out of my gourd,
I stand on my fjord,
Trying to find a way to jumpstart my Ford.

The hemp brownie that I ate,
gave me indigestion as of late,
Which doesn’t help me at all in my presently un-Forded state.

I sense what to do,
and call upon my kangaroo,
Who is currently on vacation and riding a Skidoo.

He opens up his phone,
and in a monotonous tone,
Agrees to come help me as long as i’m prone.

I wait on my hood,
til my pelvis is numbed good,
and scour the roadside to look for some wood.

I give up the search,
and enter my trunk in a lurch,
As I whip up a quick salad like I learned how to in church.

It is with carrots I skimp,
instead preferring some shrimp,
that I cook over the zither that I just had to crimp.

The crimping was needed
Cause the fire that i seeded,
required some roasting before my salad was completed.

The kangaroo arrived,
and as far as I surmised,
Got the ford working, much to my surprise.

I drove off quickly
my stomach still sickly,
as I felt my pelvis still kinda prickly.

Untitled
by Mistress Midnight

my life as a dolly
sure i giggle after the wiggle
you’ll see why they call me flipper
if you’re a good tipper.
pimp’s lookin for a deposit
so the ho boots are comin out of the closet
lookin up at your tapestry while lyin on my back
you paid $300 up front to get me in the sack
..this poem is crappy i cant get errogenous in it
i dont think im gonna win it :(

Banal Love Bucket
by Cienna Rand

Behold, the erogenous lass doth breath slow
For she shall deposit her endless treasure.
Upon the tapestry I lie
Awaiting my dolly, with baited breath.
My slimy stare watches her form.
Her flipper entrances me.
Forsooth, the sublime embrace takes us.
We shall giggle, giggle, and then giggle more
As we fade into the thingy.

Untitled
by Bhodi Silverman

By the dim light of the ancient chandelier…
Covered in shreds of cobweb,
Like coleslaw at a picnic of the dead…
The guests drank dark wine scented with fear.

The pendulum swung on the frayed rope…
Strands snapping away like a transvestite’s chest hair
Sitting pateintly in the electolysist’s chair….
Until at last it was clear there was no hope.

Finally, as the cobwebbed candles burned…
Like the fire in a penguins eyes,
When he hears the dying hippo’s cries…
The pendulum crashed the party like a lover spurned.

Then the host said, “Damn, I’ve been meaning to get that fixed.”

Untitled
by Nephilaine Protagonist

I feel as if a dainty….fainty slip of the spoon urged my kayak to capsize with unknow stuff.
That is also why my balaclava is so huff and puff.
The yodel i do is different then the need for eulogy.
And it is not a glimpse of phsycotherapy.
No no no none of these herculean words is mine, yet you need to heed thyself from the sheep, for it massages quickly.
And of course the fox is cunning and trickly.
Repeat is handy when doing things.
and repeat is handy when it comes to springs.
Repeat is handy when doing things.
and repeat is handy when it comes to springs.
The fly eat a hamburger because it does not eat a cheeseburger.
Music stops and ends when … o no the beat is hard and like a rhino very fast.
I once knew a man named Turger.
And he didn’t last…..very long

If you haven’t keeled over or vomited yet, you have a strong constitution indeed.