“Warn them, do it again, and then destroy their machine! There’s no excuse for anyone violating our copyright laws.”
– US Senator (and “songwriter”) Orrin Hatch
Link: MSNBC
Police impersonator sought
Vancouver police are after the culprit or culprits who are responsible for a cache of stolen police gear, including weapons, protective gear, and clothing with a police insignia. (Link: Canada.com: “Police gear found in big gun haul”)
In a press conference, Constable Sarah Smith asked for the public’s assistance in apprehending the police impersonator: “The suspect wears a dark blue uniform, matching trousers, a police hat with an insignia, and a black utility belt. If you see anyone like this, please call 911 immediately… No, it’s not me. Put down that phone!”
UFOs linked to purple animals
This just in: this startling image shows a UFO touching down on the roof of an apartment tower in Vancouver’s West End.
One witness reports seeing dozens of purple hamsters emerge from a hatch before leaping over the edge of the building. The witness, who wore a “THE END IS NIGH” sandwich board sign and smoked a curious-looking glass pipe, asked to remain anonymous.
People flock to see purple penguin
In a surprise development, researchers from the Joint Australian Centre for Astrophysical Research in Antarctica (JACARA) have discovered a rare purple penguin. Some speculate that it may have come in contact with the purple polar bear in Buenos Aires, Argentina, which may indicate a communicable disease.
Keep your eyes open for more purple animals. If your household pet shows signs of turning purple, or even a shade of violet, contact a veterinarian immediately.
Startling new evidence: UFOs are real
Today, as I was working at my computer, I noticed a strange noise coming from outside. I leaned out the window, looked up, and to my astonishment, I saw a fat, silver, cigar-shaped UFO cruising slowly over the city.
Fortunately, I had my camera with me, and I managed to snap a photo.
There appeared to be some strange yellow writing on the side. With some digital enhancement, I managed to get a clearer image:
Yes, this confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had captured a photo of an authentic UFO.
Skeptics can no longer hide their heads in the sand. This is irrefutable proof that aliens have visited this planet. These images will take the world by storm!