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Hey look, I’m famous!

According to Rick of Rick’s Miscellany, this website was mentioned in a newspaper article recently. Allan Hewitson of the Northern Sentinel (the newspaper of Kitimat, BC) had this to say about [Cubicle Dweller]:

Cubicle Dweller is a Steveston book editor who who writes a running blog in which he recently waxed creative about some name changes he suggests for Canada, after reading that french fries had been renamed freedom fries in Washington.

He thinks California rolls should become Canuck rolls, Texas toast should be maple leaf toast and any beer should be renamed liquid Canada. What would that be on the French side of the label?

I don’t mean to complain, but it would have been nice if Allan Hewitson had checked his facts before publishing. For example, I don’t live in Steveston and I’m not a book editor either. I mean, just look at my grammar and spelling. No Stevestonite would spell this poorly.

All the same, I’m happy that the word will be spread about Canuck Rolls and Maple Leaf Toast. As for the French side freedom side of the beer label, I’ll have to do some research on the subject (extensive experimental beer research). At this early stage, I’d guess that it would say “bière”.

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I am the cubicle-meister

Google has done it again. Not even a month after I became the world’s leading authority on the “Hockey Hero Sandwich”, Google has identified me as the world’s leading authority on the cubicle as well.

This explains why each day I get a dozen or so visits from people searching for “cubicle”. It doesn’t, however, explain why people are searching for “cubicle” in the first place. Do they want to know what it is? Do they want to buy one? Or do they get excited by pictures of cubicles? I’ve heard of that, you know. Sick, sick, sick people.

While I can’t offer any titillating photos of cubicles, I’d be glad to share my wealth of cubicle-related knowledge by answering questions. So if you arrived here looking for “cubicle”, ask away! I’ll do my best to provide an answer that will be universally recognized as a response to a question.

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Usability study outcomes and the practical implementation of feature-request enhancements

Some regular visitors may have noticed some modifications and enhancements to this web site. These were due to an ongoing study of the usability and interactivity of the interfacing elements of the Cubicle Dweller product. Based on intensive consultations with user advocates, subject matter experts, usability professionals, and a small cluster of tree frogs, our investigative team put forth a timeline for which we actioned a proposal for mitigating errors in product-user interactivity. Our continued envisionment of forward-thinking initiatives will impact on the increased presencing of the Cubicle Dweller product as never before within the area of weblog user advocacy, entertainment, and big, greasy hamburgers.

Weeks of intensive focus group consultations have yielded the following data from our focus group panelists:

  • 12 panelists felt the site was too narrow.
  • 11 panelists felt the site was too wide.
  • 8 panelists had difficulty with the words “sticky” and/or “note”.
  • 6 panelists could not locate the coffee urns at the side of the room.
  • 1 panelist felt that the word “the” was confusing.

Resultatively, the actioning of these findings were implemented in such a way that led to the following feature enhancements:

  • The “sticky note” text area is now yellow.
  • Coffee urns are now marked with flashing beacons to visually indicate their presence at the side of the room.

As we move forward in the coming quarter, we are anticipatory of an impactful pleasure-to-word target ratio on this site, increasingly expectful of leveraging the outcomes the resulting interface usability enhancements for activity traction, and— Oooh! Flashing coffee!

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The world’s foremost authority

Congratulate me. According to Google, I am now the world’s foremost authority on the McDonald’s “Hockey Hero Sandwich“.

For those who haven’t read the original post that brought me this notoriety, this burger is a cow’s nightmare. There’s about as much processed cheese and cow matter as one can fit between two halves of a bun, and I suspect that the lettuce shreds and tomato are just a formality to keep up appearances. As for the bun, it’s a nuisance too, as it detracts from the purity of the meat-and-cheese experience. Admittedly, it does perform the valuable function of keeping your hands free of dripping grease.

Although I’ve never tried one, I can’t dispute Google’s decision in the matter. This is a heavy responsibility (and a heavy burger) and I will carry the burden with pride. So go ahead, ask me anything at all about the Hockey Hero Sandwich.

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Friday misguided search requests

Once again we’ve clawed our way through the weekly gauntlet to throw ourselves on the mercy of Friday. Ah, Friday: the last yards in the sprint to Saturday; the final shove in the weekly sumo match of life; the last heave before the stomach is empty; and the penultimate moments of bondage before weekend’s emancipation. Ah… Friday. Yup. Friday, Friday, Friday. Well, I guess I’m finished with that idea.

Last night I assembled some of February’s more interesting search requests in the hope that I could help lubricate your passage into the weekend with a little levity. And so, without any further ado, the search requests:

if a hamster ate vegetable oil would it die
Yep. But it would fry up real good after that. (Try using olive oil for a bit of flavour.)

How do penguins from the ocean disguise themselves
They usually disguise themselves as urban penguins. In fact, ocean penguins are infiltrating every major North American city. If you notice any penguin-like behaviour in your neighbours, report it to the authorities immediately.

pet stores that have penguins for sale
Illegal ones. And they disguise them as hamsters.

how do penguins sleep
I often wonder that myself. How do they sleep at night? How do they live with the guilt?

lego smoking pot
If your LEGO is smoking pot, just sit them down and talk to them about the dangers. Marijuana’s bad, m’kay?

what dose the inside of a Goldfish look like if you cut in half
Well, to start, it looks half as big as before you cut it in half. And less… er… alive. Kids, don’t try cutting your goldfish in half — they’re really hard to put back together.

t’pol photo very naked real
This is obviously a sophisticated Googler. Not only do they want a very naked photo, but they also want to make sure it’s real. It’s probably the same person who keeps searching for Ellen Feiss. Of course, by mentioning these on my site, they’ll probably be back again. Doh.

Well, there you go. I hope your weekend is more fun than a barrel of T’Pol photos. Live long and prosper.