Virtual vehicles for the metaverse
Topics concerning that thing known as ‘real life’ and not virtual worlds.
A: Hey, so we finally meet face-to-face! So that’s what you look like!
B: Hi! Wow! You don’t look anything like your avatar.
A: Yeah, no. Not a lot.
B: You’re kind of… lumpier. Less hair.
A: Yeah… that’s about it.
B: And the acne scars too.
A: I think I’ll go get a drink.
Just eight days from now, SLers from all over the world congregate at San Francisco’s Fort Mason Center to meet each other face-to-face for the first time, and drink their faces off discuss important SL themes and issues. I spent a while perusing Google maps of SL last night — SF is kind of big, isn’t it? Fortunately, my hotel is only a short distance from Fort Mason and assorted other touristy places, so I’m hoping to explore the place on foot. See the sights. Point at things and go oooh. You know — tourist stuff.
One worrisome issue is all over the news today. The good news is that apparently police foiled a terrorist plot to blow up UK flight. The bad news — or maybe inconvenient news — is that liquids and gels (including toothpaste and shampoo) are banned from all carry-ons. As well, a CNN.com article says that “Terrorists planned to use MP3 players and sports drinks to blow up as many as 10 jetliners“. So no toiletries, no music, no liquid refreshments (“Who the f— brought this motherf—ing beverage on this motherf—ing plane?”).
While I’m sure this is a boon for airport convenience stores, it not only means that we go without brushing our teeth and washing our hair until we buy more, but it also means that security checks are going to take a whole… lot… longer. CBC News reports that “At Vancouver International Airport in the morning, a long line snaked longer than a city block from the United Airlines check-in for flights to several U.S. cities.”
So if I manage to get to my flight on time, I’ll see you at SLCC. Just don’t stand too near me, because for the sake of security I will not be brushing my teeth.
I laughed my ass off when I saw this one. No kidding… it fell off and hit the floor with a meaty thunk. My dad snapped this photo in a picnic area on Galiano Island, BC. I just had to post it.
Naturally, if you’re eating children, you want to keep the dogs tied up or they’ll grab a leg or two right off the table.
It’s Wednesday, folks, which means that Second Life is down for the latest update. SL addicts the world over, shaking from withdrawal symptoms, turn to other activies, like sparring in the forums, or trading silly links in IRC. You might ask, What does Cubey do during SL downtimes? Well… I’ll tell you…
I start my day having completely forgotten about the planned downtime. I go to my kitchen, brew a pot of coffee, and plan my morning’s work in my head. The beans are hand-roasted by a guy in Steveston BC, and are quite delicious. Much better than that Terrabucks swill. Steaming mug in hand, I sit down at my computer and log in.
After my seventh or eighth login attempt, the reality sinks in. SL is down. And that’s when I start knocking my head against the monitor. Not hard — just enough to make a good “bong” sound that kind of resonates a little. I think the precise note this produces is G sharp.
So after a good fifteen minutes of G sharp, there’s considerable blood on the monitor, since that’s the nature of head wounds. Though gory, it gives me a medium in which I can work. I’ll spend a while finger-painting red airplanes on red runways, with little red workers in red jumpsuits driving red fuel trucks. This blessed reprieve from withdrawal is shortlived, however, since the blood clots and dries within minutes.
It’s important, when deprived of Second Life, to distract yourself. Clicking Belaya’s horrifying links in IRC works for only a short time, and pushing coins up your nose yields few positive results beyond a surprising ability to pick up radio broadcasts.
The best distraction that I’ve found is to strip naked, sit on the window sill, and scream the theme song to “Farscape” There are lots of good screamy bits in that one.
As an aside, if your neighbours object to the presence of a bloodied, screaming, naked person, you may wish to try the backup distraction, which requires a bottle of Vietnamese vodka, a toilet plunger, and two live ducks. Contact me for details.
By the time the police are done with me, it’s around noon and Second Life is back online.
What do you do during SL downtimes?
VANCOUVER — Tragedy struck in the early hours of the morning, when an unexpected death occurred in the home of virtual vehicle designer, Cubey Terra. Shortly after 8:00am, Terra’s coffee maker expired, depriving the entire household — namely Cubey Terra — of coffee.
“It was horrible,” said Terra, “When I found it, it was just cold to the touch. Quite dead.”
No cause for the coffee maker’s sudden death is certain, but the investigator on the scene suspects a failure in the heating element. Foul play has not yet been ruled out.
The coffee maker had been in continuous daily use since only August 28, 2005 — less than a single year. A memorial service will be held for the coffee maker later today, after a quick trip to Canadian Tire for a new one.
