It’s with mixed feelings that I say this. Someone found my site by searching at Google.com for “it’s a turnip shaped exactly like a thingy“. Apparently, I’m the first site listed in the search results.
The dreaded day approacheth
I saw the Sign this morning: the Harbinger of the Sacrifice.
Tomorrow, as you probably know, is Friday the Thirteenth. It is a day steeped in meaning and feared by many. To some, it is a day of ill-fortune. To some, it’s a day of evil spirits. To my fellow cubicle dwellers, Friday the Thirteenth marks the Day of Sacrifice.
Of all the rituals, the Sacrifice is the most feared, for if the correct preparations are not made, the consequences can be dire.
This morning, with the appearance of the Sign, it began. A cold shiver ran up my spine when I saw it. So I closed the refrigerator door.
The Sign read, in large block letters, “Any unlabelled items will be thrown out on Friday the 13th.”
I must begin preparations immediately, lest my precious food items be included in the Sacrifice. They are truly ruthless when it comes to carrying out the Sacrifice. I once heard of a junior sales rep who forgot to put his name on his bagged lunch. The lunch vanished on that Friday, and he went hungry. He went hungry.
Entire catered lunches have gone to the Sacrifice. And in one instance, ten bottles of lager (although I suspect it was closer four or five… you know how these stories can become exaggerated).
On Monday the Sixteenth, the refrigerator will be clean and pure. A mixed blessing is the Sacrifice.
want want want want want
Wibble or Bibble? You decide.
At this point I feel it is important to submit this question for discussion. It is a question that has weighed heavily on my mind for years. I have put it off for far too long.
In support of the Bibble faction, this memorable bibble moment comes from Blackadder II:
Edmund: And in Genoa, it is the custom to stand with one foot in a bucket, pin a live frog to one’s shoulder braid, and go ‘Bibble’ at passers-by.
It is indeed a dilemma. Oh…. wibble.
(Cast your vote in the comments… which will prevail? Wibble or Bibble? The fate of the world is in your hands.)
Writer’s block
Things I can do to inpire me to write:
· Drink fifteen quadruple-strength coffees.
· Scour the news for ideas.
· Free writing: start writing complete crap and eventually it will work itself out into something.
· Think of a really good opening sentence, then stare at the screen until there are more words.
· Put said opening sentence at the end of the chapter/scene and write the scene so that it leads up to the sentence.
· Bash my head against the desktop repeatedly, while swearing at the top of my lungs. (Note: this one may annoy the neighbors.)
· Pick five random words from the dictionary and string them together into a sentence. Repeat hundreds of times until it’s finished.
· Read something by somebody really clever, then plagiarize. Then feel bad about it and delete everything.
· Juggle penguins. It doesn’t help me write, but the penguins seem to enjoy it.
· Ingest a mind-altering substance next to a keyboard. Check again later when consciousness is regained.
· Write stupid lists of things to do until I get a better idea.