Category: mmm… food

Dear bald chef at Steveston Pizza,

You were right. The salmon pizza (“Mist”) was freakin’ amazing. Thanks for the recommendation.

Everyone else: if you’re anywhere near Steveston Pizza, stop dithering and pick up the phone to order something awesome.

Cubey

(Edit: Let me interrupt this pizza-eating session to point out: this is REAL frickin’ crab on my pizza. Real crab and real smoked salmon. Nice.)

Sometimes strange memories surface randomly of my days studying theatre at the University of BC. Such as climbing onto the roof during a cast party and not noticing that I’d planted my foot firmly in the centre of a ham and pineapple pizza because I was startled by the party-goers relieving themselves over the edge of the roof. I learned that when a party reaches the point of three-storey public urination, nobody minds a boot-print on their food. Or weirder: getting fitted with a skirt and pumps to play a guy named Daisy. It’s not what you think — I was paid for it. Oh, that makes it sound worse, doesn’t it?

Anyway, that was the education that launched my career in software.

Again, today I step away from Second Life to look at food.

I’m not a picky eater. I’ll dig into Kraft Dinner as eagerly as a proper macaroni dish, and not complain that it tastes like petrochemicals. After all, Kraft Dinner has no pretentions of being more than it actually is: crappy dried pasta with fake cheese powder. But sometimes there’s a huge difference between what’s advertised and what’s actually in the package.

Take this example of Lilydale “Latitudes” pre-cooked chicken breast. I assume it’s aimed at busy professionals who enjoy a grilled chicken breast in a “chef prepared sauce”, but don’t have time to grill or saucify anything. Me, I’m just lazy, so I picked up a package of the “fajita” style chicken breast. The photo of a juicy, tender chicken breast with red and yellow peppers was irresistable to a lazy twit like me.

Well, I got my just desserts, and before the main course even. Inside the package was not a whole breast of chicken, but catfood-style chicken shreds in a homogenous goo. Was this package supposed to be in the petfood section? It looks horrible!

Obviously, this is an extreme case of false advertising. The package clearly says “whole chicken breast”, but it actually contains pulped and shredded… something. I guess it might have been chicken at some point, but then again, it might just be yak vomit.

Note to self: next time, just buy the chicken and grill it yourself. That or buy the same thing for a fraction of the price from Miss Mew.