I just discovered that I forgot my wallet today. This means that:
- I don’t have a security card, and
- I have no money for lunch.
Maybe I’ll go down to the waterfront and eat squishy things under rocks.
Mmm
Mmm. Coffee.
I don’t know why I just typed that.
Lethal foods
An MSN Messenger conversation with my brother:
Steve says: i just got back from Shabusen. i’m full of tuna sashimi.
Matt says: mmmmmmm. i haven’t had good sashimi in oh…forever. the last trip to MEC destroyed my fancy eatin’ fund. the only fancy eatin’ i been doin’ is when mum and dad came to town. sigh. oh well…i like grilled cheese.
Steve says: grilled cheese is good stuff. it contains a full helping of vitamin G
Matt says: mmm, cheese sweat. i was grilled cheesin’ it up the other day, and hit an actual pocket of liquid cheese fat. it was by far the most revolting experience i’d had in hours.
Steve says: you haven’t tried the ‘New York Deli’ pizza from Panagopolous, have you?
Matt says: negatory…
Steve says: it’s mozza, cheddar, and five different fatty meats.
Steve says: when you get the box, the grease has completely soaked through.
Steve says: a slice can kill a grown man
Steve says: that is, if you freeze it first and ram it into his neck.
Steve says: it takes practice and a lot of training to kill a man with a slice of pizza
Steve says: but i digress
Matt says: i done it a few times, back in ‘nam, when the ammo was running low.
Steve says: i wonder what other foods could be a lethal weapon
Matt says: carrots for sure, too. all those pointy root vegetables. octopus? you could use the suckers to give a lethal hickey.
Steve says: ooh. that would be a horrible way to go.
Matt says: good lord. i can’t think of it.
Steve says: spagetti?
Matt says: if you braided a whole bunch of spagetti noodles together to make a rope…
Fish-and-rice feast
Today I partake in that eternal office ritual known as the Goodbye Lunch. Two longtime employees are leaving for “other opportunities”, so we’re taking them out to lunch.
The location: Shabusen. This all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant has been the location of many distressing sushi incidents. At my last job, the development department used to go to Shabusen at least once a month. One programmer was notorious for ordering ten plates of every kind of roll there was, including the cucumber maki: the most boring sushi imaginable. Shabusen is also the place that serves their tuna sashimi so fresh that it’s still frozen in the middle.
On the other hand, the price is pretty good. It’s about ten dollars (Canadian) to engorge yourself on raw fish and rice, and they even have a selection of cooked foods too, although the chicken and beef dishes are a little sketchy.
I’ll let you know how it goes. If I survive.
Achieving a balanced diet
Last night I accidentally ate something healthy for dinner. Today I’ll have to compensate by eating something absurdly greasy.
There are several grades on my scale of greasiness.
- Non-greasy. Anything with leaves, I suppose. To be perfectly honest, I’m not very familiar with this category.
- Greasy. Fried noodles. Fried eggs. Fried green tomatoes.
- Really greasy. Bacon. Fish and chips. Pizza.
- Dangerously greasy. All-meat pizza. McDonald’s Hockey Hero Sandwich. Duck.
- Absurdly greasy. Deep fried pizza. Deep fried duck (with cheese). A deep-fried Hockey Hero Sandwich topped with nacho cheese dip and duck drippings.
So there you go. Do print out this list as a handy reminder when choosing foods at lunch time. And remember: if you eat something healthy, balance it out by eating something equally unhealthy.
!!WARNING!!
Like matter and anti-matter, the greasy and non-greasy foods should never come in direct contact with each other, or the resulting explosion could wipe out all life on the planet.