Category: mmm… food

Sabine of Sensei and Sensibility fame, kindly supplied me with a new item for Project Snack.

The green label said, “FRY BEANS”, and inside were deep-fried, salted peanuts. Flavourful, salty, and greasy, is how I would describe them… and how I ate them too.

And there’s an extra surprise in the pack.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be silica gel.

On a more personal note, about halfway through the morning I suddenly became extremely tired. I said to myself, “Self,” because that’s what I call myself. I said, “Self,” and then I continued on because I was annoying myself by saying “self” one too many times. I said, “I think you’d do well to chow down on some chicken balls and noodles.”

And then I thought, “Chicken balls? I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere.” And I laughed at that, which made people look at me kind of funny, because I was just kind of staring into space laughing at nothing they could see. “Yes, there’s a joke in there,” I thought, this time not verbalizing my inner monologue, “but it’s probably not worth the effort to extract it.” And so the chicken balls joke was never fully realized.

So I went down to the takeout place in the Robson Market, bought the chicken balls, veggies, and noodles, and returned to my desk, where I did the predictable thing, which was to eat it.

Well, to finish up an unnecessarily long story, I feel even worse now. In fact, I feel a little ill and more tired than I felt before I ate lunch. I’m listless. I have no lists at all.

On a nice, hot summer’s day, there’s nothing like a double-scoop of your favourite ice cream. A Japanese website, Mainichi Daily News, showcases some favourite flavours from the land of the rising sun.

One of them is called “taco aisu”. Thankfully, it’s not taco-flavoured ice cream.

It’s octopus.

This morning, my breakfast routine was interrupted. There on the door of the local McDonald’s was a letter-size piece of paper, fresh from the computer. It said:

SORRY

NO HASHBROWN TODAY

-THE MANAGEMENT

What’s this? WHAT’S THIS? No hashbrown? And it wasn’t even the plural, “hashbrowns“. Clearly they underestimated the demand for the greasy potato pucks and only kept one in stock.

Or maybe it’s more serious than that. Maybe hashbrowns aren’t as plentiful as I had thought. I must have eaten the last one yesterday!

DEBBIE: Hi, can I help you?

CUBICLE DWELLER: Yes, I’ll have the Egg McMuffin Meal.

DEBBIE: [hesitating] The meal?

CUBICLE DWELLER: Yeah.

DEBBIE: You mean… the Egg McMuffin and coffee?

CUBICLE DWELLER: And hashbrown. The “meal”.

DEBBIE: Uhhh. One second, please. [shouting to back of restaurant] Can I get the key to the hashbrown vault, please?!

[The manager emerges from the back]

MANAGER: Did you just ask for the hashbrown key?

DEBBIE: This gentlemen just ordered… he ordered… the hashbrown.

MANAGER: [to CUBICLE DWELLER] You ordered our hashbrown?

CUBICLE DWELLER: Uh… yeah.

MANAGER: Are you trying to put me out of business?

CUBICLE DWELLER: Huh?

MANAGER: You come in here, thinking you’re mister big-shot, and you expect us to just hand over our hashbrown? Do you know how much work went into its creation? Debbie here slaved for days, gluing together bits of french fries, making sure that it was exactly in the right proportion.

DEBBIE: [under her breath] Bastard.

MANAGER: What makes you think you can just… take that away from us? Without our hashbrown — without our precious, crispy, golden hashbrown — we’re nothing. Nothing! Do you understand me?

CUBICLE DWELLER: I guess I can’t supersize that, then?

MANAGER: What was that? A joke? Was it? Was it a joke? Were you trying to be a funny guy? Do you think it’s funny, showing up, throwing down your money, and taking away our very life’s work?

CUBICLE DWELLER: I’m sorry… I didn’t mean—

MANAGER: No! That’s just fine. You are the customer after all. You’re always right. Debbie, get the sign and put it on the door. I’ll get… [choking back a sob] I’ll get the hashbrown.

Well. Since you’re set on destroying my business, I suppose you’d like to take our ketchup packet too.

Well maybe it didn’t happen exactly like that, now that I think about it. But the sign did seem strange to me.