Day 3: It was all too much to bear. I called in sick and spent Friday at home, shivering. Where the TV used to be, there was now a gaping void that somehow seemed to draw my eyes to it. Its very absence became a presence that dominated the room. I couldn’t help but stare into that space, as if it were a black hole, sucking my mind deeper, deeper down into the black gravity well of insanity, from which nothing escapes. So I made chocolate chip cookies, which seemed to help.
Later in the afternoon, I fabricated a TV surrogate. That is, I cut a rectangular hole in a large cardboard box and placed that where the TV used to be. For hours, I sat immobile on the couch and stared at the surrogate. Unfortunately, it was only showing reruns of that MASH episode where Burns thinks he’s getting a promotion. You know the one. The same episode over and over. Thankfully, Rob and Lola dragged me (forcefully) away from the surrogate to a more healthy environment. Once at the Jolly Alderman, I began to feel more like myself.
The pub has a giant projection TV. I shouldn’t have, but I watched part of the hockey game out of the corner of my eye while pretending to talk to Rob and Lola. I shouldn’t have. I’m a bad, bad person.
