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Friday misguided search requests

Once again we’ve clawed our way through the weekly gauntlet to throw ourselves on the mercy of Friday. Ah, Friday: the last yards in the sprint to Saturday; the final shove in the weekly sumo match of life; the last heave before the stomach is empty; and the penultimate moments of bondage before weekend’s emancipation. Ah… Friday. Yup. Friday, Friday, Friday. Well, I guess I’m finished with that idea.

Last night I assembled some of February’s more interesting search requests in the hope that I could help lubricate your passage into the weekend with a little levity. And so, without any further ado, the search requests:

if a hamster ate vegetable oil would it die
Yep. But it would fry up real good after that. (Try using olive oil for a bit of flavour.)

How do penguins from the ocean disguise themselves
They usually disguise themselves as urban penguins. In fact, ocean penguins are infiltrating every major North American city. If you notice any penguin-like behaviour in your neighbours, report it to the authorities immediately.

pet stores that have penguins for sale
Illegal ones. And they disguise them as hamsters.

how do penguins sleep
I often wonder that myself. How do they sleep at night? How do they live with the guilt?

lego smoking pot
If your LEGO is smoking pot, just sit them down and talk to them about the dangers. Marijuana’s bad, m’kay?

what dose the inside of a Goldfish look like if you cut in half
Well, to start, it looks half as big as before you cut it in half. And less… er… alive. Kids, don’t try cutting your goldfish in half — they’re really hard to put back together.

t’pol photo very naked real
This is obviously a sophisticated Googler. Not only do they want a very naked photo, but they also want to make sure it’s real. It’s probably the same person who keeps searching for Ellen Feiss. Of course, by mentioning these on my site, they’ll probably be back again. Doh.

Well, there you go. I hope your weekend is more fun than a barrel of T’Pol photos. Live long and prosper.

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I’ll take Deadly Sins Starting with ‘G’, Alex

Having just consumed a foot-long “Steak ‘n’ Cheese” sub with everything on it in less than fifteen minutes, I feel I am no longer in a moral position to criticize anyone or anything. I’ll just hide my bloated guts in my cubicle until I can waddle home at the end of the day.

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Trained humour professional

Dave Barry is often referred to as a humourist. I’ve wondered about this designation. How exactly does one qualify to become a humourist?

Is there some kind of professional training, like a degree program in practical humourology? Are you permitted to practice humour without proper education and training? Is there a professional society of humourism?

I can imagine a humourology professor saying, “After four years as an undergraduate, I earned my Bachelor of Humourous Arts. I majored in double-entendre and gaffes, but I also had a particular interest in Spoonerisms. When I graduated, I stayed on to get my PhD. They said I couldn’t do it, but when they laughed openly at me, that’s when I knew I had a gift.”

For those who don’t want to commit to years of study, there’s a six-month diploma program, but you’re only allowed to call yourself a humour technician.