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There once was a man from Peru

I know I have an opinion about something, but I can’t quite decide what it is. When I figure that out, I’ll probably rant about it for several paragraphs.

Until then, however, I’ll just post this limmerick. I woke up with this going through my head, and I don’t know where it came from. Is that a sign that I’ve lost my marbles? Probably.

There once was a man from Peru

Who dreamed he was eating his shoe

He woke with a fright

In the middle of the night

And found it was perfectly true.

Yes. Send the men in white coats.

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Les pommes frites de liberté

Last week, CNN reported that a North Carolina restaurant owner had renamed his French fries “Freedom Fries”. A change of menu wouldn’t normally catch the attention of a major media corporation, but in this case it was in response to the French opposition to a war in Iraq. Reporters were all over it in seconds. I suppose if CNN says it’s a patriotic act, then I guess I’ll have to believe it.

I would like to urge all Canadians to adopt the following changes to menus:

  • Change California roll sushi to Canuck Roll
  • Change Philly cheese steak to Sudbury Sandwich
  • Change Texas toast to Maple Leaf Toast
  • Change KFC to KFC (Kelowna Fried Chicken)
  • Change New England clam chowder to Chowder, Eh?
  • Change Boston clam chowder to Red Chowder, Eh?
  • And finally, beer should be called Liquid Canada.

That last one doesn’t have to change, but we really like our beer in Canada.

That’ll show those unpatriotic people in the White House that we mean business.

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Minus one

I don’t understand what I’m seeing. The thermometer is showing a negative temperature. It says -1°C. I thought all life stopped at zero.

It’s truly frightening. Strange things are happening that seem to defy the laws of nature. My car wouldn’t start. And it was encrusted all over with a white substance.

And the most bizarre thing I have ever seen was the large puddle in the parking lot… it had become a solid. That’s right. The water no longer moved freely.

This is very unsettling.

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Dutch hash on a Sunday morning

I’m off to get my fix of quality Dutch hash. The Dutch Wooden Shoe Cafe is, to my knowledge, the best dealer of this substance, and my stomach is set on a heaping plate of smoked salmon hash-n-eggs with a side of sourdough toast on the side.

As I type this, I notice the redundancy of specifying a side of toast on the side. On the other hand, one could order a side of toast and quite easily place it on top, underneath, in front, behind, or in any other location. The positioning of the side of toast is really entirely up to the customer. So it’s not actually redundant at all.

Mmmm. Hash.

Eventually, I promise to blog about something non-food-related.

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The world’s foremost authority

Congratulate me. According to Google, I am now the world’s foremost authority on the McDonald’s “Hockey Hero Sandwich“.

For those who haven’t read the original post that brought me this notoriety, this burger is a cow’s nightmare. There’s about as much processed cheese and cow matter as one can fit between two halves of a bun, and I suspect that the lettuce shreds and tomato are just a formality to keep up appearances. As for the bun, it’s a nuisance too, as it detracts from the purity of the meat-and-cheese experience. Admittedly, it does perform the valuable function of keeping your hands free of dripping grease.

Although I’ve never tried one, I can’t dispute Google’s decision in the matter. This is a heavy responsibility (and a heavy burger) and I will carry the burden with pride. So go ahead, ask me anything at all about the Hockey Hero Sandwich.