Don’t eat a bowl of noodles right before an important meeting — you’re just tempting the gods of red-sauce-on-white-shirts. And yes, there are several minor deities responsible for that, which explains why it happens so bloody often.
Usability study outcomes and the practical implementation of feature-request enhancements
Some regular visitors may have noticed some modifications and enhancements to this web site. These were due to an ongoing study of the usability and interactivity of the interfacing elements of the Cubicle Dweller product. Based on intensive consultations with user advocates, subject matter experts, usability professionals, and a small cluster of tree frogs, our investigative team put forth a timeline for which we actioned a proposal for mitigating errors in product-user interactivity. Our continued envisionment of forward-thinking initiatives will impact on the increased presencing of the Cubicle Dweller product as never before within the area of weblog user advocacy, entertainment, and big, greasy hamburgers.
Weeks of intensive focus group consultations have yielded the following data from our focus group panelists:
- 12 panelists felt the site was too narrow.
- 11 panelists felt the site was too wide.
- 8 panelists had difficulty with the words “sticky” and/or “note”.
- 6 panelists could not locate the coffee urns at the side of the room.
- 1 panelist felt that the word “the” was confusing.
Resultatively, the actioning of these findings were implemented in such a way that led to the following feature enhancements:
- The “sticky note” text area is now yellow.
- Coffee urns are now marked with flashing beacons to visually indicate their presence at the side of the room.
As we move forward in the coming quarter, we are anticipatory of an impactful pleasure-to-word target ratio on this site, increasingly expectful of leveraging the outcomes the resulting interface usability enhancements for activity traction, and— Oooh! Flashing coffee!
Cubicle Rule #491: Wash your coffee mug
Always wash your coffee mug at the end of the day. If you don’t, then your habitual mug-to-mouth arm action will lead you to take a cold sip of last Friday’s coffee, complete with unidentified floaties.
Temptations of the flesh
As I strolled down Robson Street, I blended perfectly with the crowd. I wore my Gore-Tex™ jacket, hiking boots, and sunglasses, I carried a cell phone, and I smelled slightly of the spicy tuna maki I had just finished. I looked (and smelled) just like your average Vancouverite. That’s why I’m surprised that I was singled out.
A man in a crisp, black suit stepped in front of me, and in a tone reminiscent of MacCarthyism, he asked, “Have you ever been to Hooters?”
Startled, I jumped left to avoid him, and managed to mumble a defensive “No” before slipping past.
“Could I change your mind if I offered you free food, free beer, and free women?” he called after me.
What? For a fraction of a second, I hesitated, which made my response come out like “Nnn—” (insert near-instantaneous moral self-check) “—o”. Thankfully, my feet kept moving, carrying me far away from the moral quagmire.
Three things I desire most in life — food, beer, and women — all free and gratis too. I’m not sure what he meant exactly by “free women”, but I’m sure it was legit. He meant the serving staff, right? The catch was that it was in one of the most low-brow, mouth-breathing, mullet-infested restaurants downtown.
Half a block later, the voice was still echoing in my head: Could I change your mind if I offered you free food, free beer, and free women?
Yes! Yes, goddammit, yes! You could! Oh, the flesh is weak.
An expensive month
It irks me that February has only 28 days, yet my monthly bills are the same as a 31-day month. That means that a day in February costs me about ten percent more than a day in January.
Why don’t we fix this problem by making all months exactly 30 days long? The leftover days at the end of the year can be a wild, bacchanalian party, full of togas, cold beverages, and unusual snacks.
Anyone else with me on this?