A lot has been said lately on the writing process. I thought that it might be helpful to compare notes on how we approach a daily writing session.
As my current project obsession is a foolhardy attempt to write a novel, I take extra care to stick to a regular routine in my sessions. I begin at the crack of dawn when I make a pot of coffee. This has to be done in a very exacting procedure that involves whole Colombian beans, a used sock, a ball-pein hammer, and a pot of boiling water. It takes a little extra effort, but the resulting cup is a rich, full-bodied poly-cotton blend.
When the coffee is ready, I sacrifice the goat. The sacrifice is entirely non-religious in nature — it’s just that, to me, there’s nothing more refreshing than a cup of fresh goat’s blood before a day’s writing. Because I’m a creature of habit, I have to pay close attention to detail: always use the same mug each day, and the goat’s blood must never mix with the coffee.
With two steaming mugs set each on their own cork pad, I sit facing the computer monitor. I often sit like this for at least an hour or so before I continue.
When I’m finished staring, I begin to sing show tunes in a falsetto voice. There’s nothing like a rousing rendition of Cabaret to start one’s creative juices flowing all over the place. I start simply, with “Willkommen”, and move on to “The Telephone Dance”. Neighbours across the street are often distracted by the sight of me bobbing my head merrily as I shout, “‘Table seven calling number nine, how are you handsome?’, ‘You mean me?'”, et cetera. By the time I finish “The Pineapple Song”, I’m ready to begin.
Then I empty the mug of goat’s blood over my head and turn on the computer. Shortly thereafter, I begin to type. In general, nouns seem to come to me more easily than verbs, and I eschew adverbs entirely. As for adjectives, they’re acceptable only if they contain several silent consonants and don’t distract me from the nouns.
At the end of a session, I have a great big list of words, which I then rearrange into sentences. Oddly, the plot always seems to revolve around water buffalo, but I have no recollection of typing those words.
And that’s how I like to write. How about you?
