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I smell school

There’s something in the air today. It’s a hint at that change in the weather that signals the end of the hot, dry weather, and the beginning of the warm, but wet September (as JenB points out, this is only normal in Vancouver). Yes, it’s a little early to feel it fully, but there’s just enough of it floating on the air that it reminds me of fall. Even now, at the beginning of August, I see leaves that show signs that they’re about to turn.

Those leaves. You can’t trust them. Eventually, they’ll turn on you.

It’s the scent on the air, the leaves, and maybe the angle of the sun that reminds me of preparing to go back to school. I really miss that. The excitement of signing up for a full load of new courses, finding the textbooks at the bookstore, and panicking because there’s not enough money to cover tuition and food until the student loan comes in.

It reminds me of walks across campus to find the building and my classroom for the first time. And wondering if I should eat at the cafeteria or wait until I get home in the afternoon. And preparing for the auditions for classes and plays. And buying piles of instant noodles to live on. And choosing a new travel coffee mug. And waiting in endless lineups at the registrar’s office when they inevitably screw up my entire registration.

I miss it all. Maybe I’ll abandon my career and go back to school. That would be fun, in a sick, overworked, undernourished way. I’m really tempted to do just that when the weather hints at turning into September like it is today.

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Peeing into the future

Japan’s largest maker of toilets, Toto, combines the porcelain throne with computer intelligence for an “every-four-hour fiesta for your naughty bits”:

So there I am, sitting on this sleek-looking loo, idly punching the buttons on this little panel next to the toilet, and all of a sudden my bum is right smack in the middle of the perfect storm. *

If computer-controlled toilets become popular here in North America, will we have to worry when our toilet crashes? Will we have to back it up daily?

Link: Wired.com: Luxury Loo: The Seat Also Rises

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Star Wars

I tried to watch Star Wars when it was on tv yesterday, but I couldn’t do it. Two reasons:

  1. It was the “special edition”, which means Lucasarts messed with it digitally, and
  2. It was pan-and-scan, rather than widescreen, which irritates me to no end.

When George Lucas and his digital wizards churned out the special edition, they inserted all kinds of unnecessary scenes and made changes that actually ruined scenes. For example, remember that scene in the saloon, where Han shoots Greedo, the bounty hunter? In the special edition, Greedo shoots first, but inexplicably misses Han’s head by a foot. That completely ruins Han’s introduction as a morally dubious smuggler. Over the course of the original three movies, his character develops into someone almost respectable (“General Solo”). That’s a good story. But Lucas had to bugger it up.

The CG animals and droids in the Mos Eisley scenes do nothing but upstage the action in the foreground. Why is it necessary to have a snorting, mooing lizard in the background when the storm trooper pops up from the bottom of the frame to say, “Look sir, Droids”?

As for pan-and-scan, it should be abolished. If the cinematographer composes an image for a wide screen, it ruins the movie to show only half of the composition.

I’ve read recently (I can’t remember where) that Lucas will never release the original Star Wars edit on DVD. All I have to say to that is Harrumph. Somebody smack that guy over the head. Once for the three “special edition” edits of the original trilogy, and twice more for inflicting Jar-Jar on us and ruining the mystique of the Force by introducing these midi-chlorien creatures (however you spell it).

Oh well. At least Princess Leia is easy on the eyes, as they say.

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Missing: City of Richmond, BC

Lulu Island missing from map of BC's Lower MainlandWhen I recieved this brochure for a tourist attraction at Stave Lake, BC, with my power bill, I did the usual thing with it, which was to ignore it. When I looked at it again, something bothered me that I couldn’t put my finger on.

And then it hit me. There it was on the map of BC’s lower mainland. Actually, there it wasn’t, because the thing that I couldn’t put my finger on was the City of Richmond, which was completely absent from the map.

To clarify, I don’t mean that the map omits a little dot or a label or something. Richmond is located on a very large island at the mouth of the Fraser River (it’s named Lulu Island for some reason, but nobody calls it that, because of the embarrassment it causes). It’s really hard to miss, especially if you’ve ever tried to travel south from Vancouver. On BC Hydro’s map, however, there’s only a big, blue empty space south of Vancouver.

This made me wonder… is there some plan afoot to remove Richmond? Has Premier Gordon Campbell in a fit of public-private-partnership madness sold Richmond to a private developer, who will tow it to a more exotic location?

The other alternative is that Richmond is simply a figment of my imagination, and I didn’t actually spend a large part of my childhood living there. No, Richmond has a website. None of my other figments have websites, unless I’ve imagined all of you. Hmm.

Anyway, I want answers from BC Hydro. Why is a city of 165,000 people missing? Who drew that map, who paid for it, and what’s their agenda?

I’m betting that it’s the same people who misplaced Prince Edward Island in the Fodor’s travel guide.