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Lunch with Cubey, Part Two

Today, I bring you Part Two in the epic cubicle drama that I call “lunch”.

In the end, I couldn’t decide if I wanted maki or negiri sushi, so I bought the sushi combo. It’s got bits of all kinds of raw fish in it.

I think I’ll start with the tuna. Mmm. Cold, soft, and squishy. Just the way I like it. This always reminds me of those scenes in The Two Towers in which Gollum eats the whole raw fish. Yummy fishessss.

Cucumber maki? I really don’t see the point of cucumber maki. If I wanted vegetables, I’d go to a salad bar.

And now, some salmon. I’ll just put some wasabi on this one.

Mmm. Salmo–

Aaaaa!! Wasabi…stings… hot!! Sinuses… burning!!! Eyes… watering!!! Must drink miso–

AAAAA!!! Scalding miso!! Tongue burnt!!! Cool it with slice of mackerel!!

AAAAAAAAAA!!! Chopsticks slipped!! Mackerel up nose!!!

Wasabi-sneeze coming on… aaaaaa….;laksjf edl;e;oi 99e7fpo9uq2 ;

Nooo!! The mackerel exploded from my nose at high speed and splattered all over my keyboard.

Here comes the manager. Must act normal. I think I’ll just bring this lunch to a close.

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Lunch with Cubey, Part One

Blogs, as we know, are an excellent forum for exchanging important ideas and sharing experiences with the world at large. In that spirit, I bring you Part One of a ground-breaking series that I call “Lunch with Cubey”, in which I share the experience of eating a cubicle-dweller’s lunch.

Today, lunch is a salad from the Robson Public Market. I’ll take off the cover now. It’s kind of goopy with ranch dressing. Now I’m picking up the plastic fork.

I’m starting with a celery stick. Mmm. Plastic forks never seem to be strong enough to really stab into a celery stick. Carrots too. Crunch crunch crunch crunch.

A few of croutons. Did you know that the word crouton comes from the French word, croûton? It’s true. It’s also crunchy.

Now I’m eating a salad olive. Mmm. Tangy.

Cucumber slices. Cherry tomatoes. Those ones are always risky–there’s a chance that it might explode when you bite it. This one didn’t, fortunately.

Feta cheese. Can’t have a good salad without it. More feta.

Broccoli now. I think I’ll name this piece Albert.

The chunks of green pepper liven up the salad a bit.

Green lettuce now. I dislike iceberg lettuce because it’s flavourless.

More lettuce.

More lettuce.

More lettuce.

Lettuce still…

I think I put too much lettuce in this one.

Oh, no. Under a layer of green pepper, I discovered another layer of lettuce! I thought the lettuce was over. I can’t seem to get to the end of this stuff.

I need a break. There are splatters of ranch dressing all over my keyboard, and the some bits of the chopped green onion have escaped and lodged themselves in the CD-ROM drive.

Disaster strikes! As I reached for a sip of carrot juice, I knocked over the salad container. The horror! The horror!

My only recourse is to abandon my desk and move to the meeting table, carrying a handful of dripping leaves. I’ll attempt that now.

In my haste, I slipped on a cucumber slice. Now there’s carrot juice all over the floor. Cordon off the area!

Next time on “Lunch with Cubey”: the take-out sushi combo dilemma… maki or nigiri? Will the drama never end?

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Dude…

In a frenzy of fiscal foolishness, I put in an order for my new baby. Here she is: Dell Inspiron 1100. Isn’t she cute?

After it arrives, you’ll find me blogging at the beach or in some trendy café. The downside is that I have to live on Mr. Noodles for a while.

I have to admit, it’s going to be hard to let go of my current desktop. It’s been my trusty workhorse for two and a half years. I can’t believe that I can get sentimental over a box of circuits and buggy software, but hey… I’m a cubicle-dwelling geek. When I think of the computers that I’ve had over the years… [insert wobbly flash-back transition]

The first computer that I bought was a 386DX. It had 40 MHz of pure power. Okay, it’s not impressive now, but it was a perfectly adequate computer back then. Painted the case black and even bought a (oooh) CD-ROM drive. Very leading-edge. Sold it to a friend.

Then I bought a 486DX 66. Where did that one go? Oh yes, my brother bought that one.

Then there was the P133. It died a gruesome death at my hands, unfortunately. It was an accident, I swear.

Then there was my Pentium notebook. That one’s still limping along.

Then my P3 desktop.

[flashback ends]

Okay, that’s enough of that. I can only hope that my P3 has a good life with its new owners. *Sniff*.

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Monday story pitch

Gus McFlatulence-Davis is a rich kid who thinks he has everything. When he isn’t buying and selling drugs to small, furry mammals, he’s playing the zither as the token human in an all-platypus polka band, named “Gus and the All-platypus Polka Band”.

Fate hits him with a cold crème-brulée-in-the-crotch when he falls into a trans-dimensional rift inside a Starbucks men’s room. He wakes up in the Trellian Valley–formerly home of Narwin, the Golden Rhinosceros. As you’ll remember from the prequel, Narwin was crushed by the Standing Stones of Aelia. The spirit of Pip, the exploded pelican, has returned to send Gus on a journey to find the Lever of Archimedes, with which Pip plans to lift the standing stones off Narwin.

After a wacky adventure involving a shipment of illegal anchovies stored in a balloon in Gus’ nether regions, Gus returns with the Lever of Archimedes, but in a tragic miscalculation, they accidentally move the world out of its orbit and they all die a fiery death as they crash into the sun. In a final twist of irony, it turns out that Narwin had faked his own death and has been working at the Starbucks, safely on the other side of the dimensional rift the entire time!