One of my many remarkable talents is my astounding mastery of leaving the headlights on when I park my car. Without any advance preparation of any kind, I have the ability to walk away from my little red Honda without noticing that the lights are, in fact, still on. As a follow up, I won’t return to the car until the battery is good and dead.
I once considered teaching a class on this subject because it’s one of those life skills that no one should be without. I decided against it in the end because, as an instructor, one can’t teach talent, one can only provide the tools that hone that talent. Leaving the headlights on is so much more of an art than it is a science.
Another talent of mine — also related to cars — is the ability to postpone car maintenance until the car actually stops moving. For example, the right rear tire has a slow leak and will go flat within a week or two. It’s been like that since I bought the car in 2000.
Do I take it to the shop to have it sealed? Of course not! I stopped at Canadian Tire and picked up an emergency tire pump. If it ever gets too low to drive to the nearest station, I can simply connect pump to the tire valve and give myself a five-minute leg workout. It’s kind of like a stair climber, only with a good, practical purpose.
Incidentally, Canadian Tire has got to be the most amazing shopping experience on the face of the earth. This store has everything. Wal-Mart has nothing on this place. As you shop for your tire pump or wiper blades, you can also pick up some new place settings for the dining room and maybe a decorative lamp too.
Canadian Tire is very much a man’s store. It’s where guys can go to buy an ironing board and laundry soap while pretending that they’re actually buying a set of socket wrenches and a litre of 10W30. In my distant and shady past, I once bought several parts for an arts-and-crafts type project while pretending to buy plumbing fixtures. I sure had them fooled. (Insert several quietly smug chuckles.)
Sunday morning found me wandering the aisles of Canadian Tire looking for the gadget… the thingummy that would make my car go after I leave the headlights on. After a few manly moments of acting self-sufficient and wise in the way of automobilery, I gave up and sought the help of one of the Canadian Tire mechanics.
When I explained that I was looking for “a kind of battery pack thing that makes my car start when I do something stupid like leave the lights on”, Debbie gave me a very supportive smirk and pointed me towards the “power packs”. The power packs, she explained, range in size from one that can jump-start a compact car to one that can jump-start a battleship and provide power to a small village for twelve to fourteen months. I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth.
In the end, I decided on the smallest one, because my village-powering needs have been few and far between these days. And besides, I probably couldn’t lift the large one without straining something. I thanked Debbie and carted the lunchbox-sized battery back home. I connected the cables and in seconds my Honda roared to life. Crisis averted. Until I once again practice my extraordinary talent.