As a professional cubicle-dweller, I need to keep an eye on the lunch situation. I like to keep my finger on the racing pulse of the fast-food industry, because food is a subject that’s as close to my heart as any of my clogged arteries. For me, lunch is as much about a mid-day entertainment as it is about sustinence. So I stay on top of the greasy burger trends.
I have to say, however, that this high-protein Atkins fad has gotten way out of hand. Every food vendor on the whole planet is now offering Atkins foodstuffs, which usually means that it’s the same as the other food, but they leave out the bread. Take Subway, for example, and their Atkins wrap, which is the same as a sub, but without the bread and most of the vegetables. Even the 7-11, junk-food central, has special Atkins displays that promote good-health through high-protien.
So I shouldn’t be surprised when Satan’s sous-chef, Ronald McDonald, offers up a high-protein choice for the health-conscious. Their concept of healthy eating: the new “Protein Platters”. These heart-clogging meals consist of the regular hamburger, minus the bun. So basically a pile of meat and cheese with the usual token, limp vegetables for appearances sake. For example, the “Beef Protein Platter” consists of “Quarter Pounder® beef patty, one piece of strip bacon, one slice of processed cheese, shredded lettuce, slivered onions, tomato slices and dill pickle slices”.
Alright, to be perfectly honest, the bun isn’t my favourite part of eating a buger, but it’s the only thing that keeps me from getting meat and cheese all over my hands. And removing the bread from an big, greasy burger hardly makes it a “healthy” meal — the bread is quite possibly the only thing in their burgers with any nutritional value.
Finally, I have to wonder how the McDonald’s marketing people settled on the name “Protein Platter”. It’s only one letter away from a protein splatter, which conjures unpleasant imagery for certain Disneyland visitors and staff. Shudder.