The date today is, of course, 10/10/10 (alternatively, it’s 10/10/10 if you use European format). To nerds all over the planet, it’s obvious that 101010 is binary for the number 42, which is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. As far as significant dates go, this is a big one.
Honestly, it’s unlikely that today’s selection of bad poetry will answer any ultimate questions, but they would most likely please a Vogon.
To those who don’t read this site regularly: In 2003 and 2004, I held a series of “Bad Poetry Contests” in which contestants were given 15 minutes and a selection of perhaps-not-so-random words to write a poem so distressingly awful, it could be considered a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands. Today’s selection is from November 11, 2003. The random words: gourd, hemp, indigestion, kangaroo, pelvis, salad, skimp, and zither.
First up is the esteemed architect, Lordfly Digeridoo.
Bored out of my gourd,
I stand on my fjord,
Trying to find a way to jumpstart my Ford.The hemp brownie that I ate,
gave me indigestion as of late,
Which doesn’t help me at all in my presently un-Forded state.I sense what to do,
and call upon my kangaroo,
Who is currently on vacation and riding a Skidoo.He opens up his phone,
and in a monotonous tone,
Agrees to come help me as long as i’m prone.I wait on my hood,
til my pelvis is numbed good,
and scour the roadside to look for some wood.I give up the search,
and enter my trunk in a lurch,
As I whip up a quick salad like I learned how to in church.It is with carrots I skimp,
instead preferring some shrimp,
that I cook over the zither that I just had to crimp.The crimping was needed
Cause the fire that i seeded,
required some roasting before my salad was completed.The kangaroo arrived,
and as far as I surmised,
Got the ford working, much to my surprise.I drove off quickly
my stomach still sickly,
as I felt my pelvis still kinda prickly.
Cienna Rand
Two Haiku for You
Gourd indigestion
Hemp and kangaroo salad
Be still, my pelvis.The zither twangs now
Hither and fro I wriggle
The salad calls me
Anaraxis Romulus
Skimp was a tramp
She lived off food stamp…
The gourd she bought gave her indigestion
Sat back with her hemp and asked herself a question.“My pelvis is lovely”, she said
as she stood in the mirror
“I wonder how i’ll look if I stand any nearer?”Maybe I’ll chill
and eat me some salad
While a Kangaroo named Esther
plays Greensleeves on her Zither…far out.
Dionysus Starseeker
Stomach Cramps With a Mammal
I woke up today, and I heard
a noise. I quickly realized
it was indegestion, from the
meal last night. What did I
have? I remember the salad,
but was there something else
I do not know. I ask my hemp
smoking kangaroo friend with
a pouch on his pelvis and he
quickly said, “Why are there
two of you?” while playing a
zither. I realized that week
that I had eaten a gourd and
I did not skimp on the salt.
The authors of the next to will have to remain anonymous (luckily for them!) — the names were missing from their notecards. Are these your poems? Would you admit to it if they were?
Anonymous
Zithers sound my stomach hears
My salad leaves and indigestion nears
I smoke some hemp, my eyes, ears roared
What is that a kangaroo? No it’s a fjord
(Well a gourd)
I wandered under the mushroom blue
Alice skimped on the outer chew.
Anonymous
Indigestion never plagues my Pelvis,
so cook me a Gourd and Hemp like Elvis –
and do not skimp on the Kangaroo Salad
before the Zither-man plays another ballad.
That’s all for now. Time to clean your lunch off the floor. Next time, we see some Vogonic verse from Fallingwater Cellardoor and … yours truly.